Suggestions for Parents and Caregivers

· Keep children informed. Children need to know the truth regarding the events taking place and their parent's active duty assignment. Discuss what you know. At the same time, acknowledge what you don't know, and talk about how things may change with time. This is particularly true regarding the level of risk your family member may face; not all of those deployed will face imminent danger. Remember that uncertainty produces anxiety in all of us. Let your children know that information may change and that you will update them as new information becomes available.

· Discuss events in age-appropriate terms. Share information that is appropriate to the child's age and developmental level, using words that he or she can clearly understand. You may need to restate information in several ways and to ask them to repeat what they heard you say to ensure good communication. Young children may require repeated reassurance during the day. School-age children can understand tasks and assigned duties of the deployed parent. Adolescents may want to discuss issues related to war as well as their loved one's responsibilities, lifestyle and potential risks. Have a globe or map available so that children can understand where their parent or other family member is located.

· Acknowledge and normalize children's feelings. Allow children to discuss their feelings and concerns and encourage any questions they may have regarding this deployment. Listen and do your best to understand. An empathetic listener is very important. Let each child know that others are feeling the same way and that their reactions are normal and expected.

· Share your own feelings. Children know when their parents or other important adults are upset, and they will worry more if you are not honest. Confirm for them that you also miss the person who is on active duty, that life is a little harder not having them home, and that you want them to be safe. Discuss your plans for coping with these feelings and changes. Model for children that you are engaged in active strategies to cope with your feelings (and not just ignoring them). Don't forget to express hope and faith that things will be okay.

· Provide extra support and reassurance. Your time, attention and reassuring words are extremely important at a time like this. Emphasize that the family will be fine and that the children will be taken care of at all times. To the extent possible, take time each day to focus on your children and do something they enjoy (read, play a game, talk, go for walk, bake, etc.). Also, follow the routines that are familiar to your children.

·Involve children in planning how to cope. Brainstorm ways to support each other and positive things your children can do to show their love and support. Creative activities such as drawing pictures, writing letters or stories, or baking cookies to send to the loved one on active duty help children feel more in control and provides alternative ways to express their feelings.

· Maintain routines as much as possible. The less you allow the deployment to disrupt your daily lives, the better and the more reassured your children will be that everything has not changed.

· Share household chores at age appropriate levels. Children can help pick up some of the duties of the deployed parent, such as mowing the lawn, doing the dishes, or taking out the garbage. However, children should not be expected to "become" the parent in terms of responsibilities.

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