· Shield children from financial worries. Concern over money can add to your anxiety, particularly in the case of reservists who have had to give up a significant income. It is fine to let children know that the family needs to be careful about spending, but children are not capable of taking on the burden of financial concerns.

· Reach out to others. Consider networking with other families in similar circumstances for comfort and support. Plan social gatherings. Offer to help each other with family chores, such as car pooling, mowing the lawn, babysitting, homework help, etc. This kind of support and connection benefits both adults and children. Help your children understand that is okay to accept support; they may be in a position to assist others in the future.

· Take advantage of existing resources. The military has extensive support services for families of active duty members. This includes information, family mentors, counselors, logistical support, etc. If you don't live near a military base, tap into community resources. Your children's school may be an excellent place to find out about such resources. In some cases, schools are organizing support networks for military and reserve families. In any case, make your child's school and teachers aware of the deployment in your family.

· Address concerns that a loved one may be injured or killed. If children express concern about a loved one being killed or injured, explain that the chance of returning from this conflict is very high. Advances in medicine and technology have greatly reduced potential losses from military actions. Our military is very powerful and has been planning carefully for engagement. Very few U.S. lives were lost in recent conflicts such as Afghanistan and the earlier Gulf War. Acknowledge that the loss of any life is sad, but that their family member is likely to be fine.

· Be willing to discuss the concept of death. Children may be more concerned about dying or their loved one dying, particularly given the intense focus on death in the wake of the terrorist attacks. Talking with them is important. Use developmentally appropriate language. Outside resources can be very helpful (e.g., books geared to different ages that explore death and dying, grief and hospice organizations, or your faith community, if part of your family life). If your child comes from a home with a resilient belief system or faith, it will likely provide resources for addressing this issue.

· Recognize and respond to changes in behavior. Some children may have difficulty at bedtime. Others may regress (bedwetting, refusing to dress themselves, ignoring household chores, needing more help with homework, etc.) and/or become more defiant or angry. It is important to maintain consistent expectations in behavior and levels of responsibility. However, be flexible about your child's need for physical closeness.Sit with them as they fall asleep, hug them, let them do homework - at the kitchen table, etc.

· Be aware of youngsters at higher risk. Some children may be at increased risk of severe emotional reactions because of pre-existing stress factors or mental health problems. Consult a mental health professional immediately if your child shows signs of extreme reactions (persistent aggression, withdrawal, hurting themselves, sleeping or eating problems, talk of suicide, etc.).

· Take care of your own needs. Take time for yourself, and try to deal with your own reactions to the situation as fully as possible. You will be better able to help your children if you are coping well. You are likely to feel a range of emotions (anxiety, fear, sadness, even anger) even before your spouse or partner leaves. These emotions may continue for a while after departure, or you may feel emotionally drained or disoriented. Talk to other adults. Take care of your physical health. Make time, however small, to do things you enjoy. Avoid using drugs or alcohol to feel better.

· Maintain good communication between home and school. Let your child's teacher know of the active duty and if you have any special concerns. Encourage the teacher to keep you informed as well. Parents should also remember that teachers might be under heightened stress like everyone else. Not only are they providing extra support to their students, they themselves may have loved ones who are called to active duty or they may be trying to cope with their own personal reactions to events.

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