General Strategies to Teach Self Control

It is important to select age-appropriate goals for children who are learning self-control. Try setting simple, easily attained goals first, and work toward achieving success one goal at a time. For preschool children, appropriate goals might include not interrupting or not fighting with siblings. For early elementary school children, appropriate goals might include complying with bedtime rules or showing anger appropriately (instead of hitting or screaming). Some general strategies that often help children learn appropriate self-control behaviors include:

• Take a break: Encourage children to "take a break" or a "time out" from a situation where they are feeling angry or upset.
  
• Teach and provide attention: Children can learn to resist interrupting others by learning how to observe when others are not talking, so that they can join in appropriately. At the same time, parents should be sure to provide children with attention at appropriate times, so that they are not "starved" for attention and more likely to interrupt inappropriately.
  
• Use appropriate rewards: Children need consistent, positive feedback to learn appropriate behavior. Praise and attention are highly rewarding for young children, as is special time with a parent. Be sure your child knows what behavior is desired!
  
• Use specific activities designed to teach self-regulation: Parents can help teach even young children (ages 5-8 years) the skills that foster self-control, using activities such as those that follow. These skills include dealing with "wanting something I can't have," understanding feelings, and controlling anger.

The activities that follow describe each skill and offer activities to teach and practice self-control skills. Each activity includes a set of problem solving steps to teach and rehearse with young children, along with suggestions for "role playing" (acting out situations) and discussion.

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