Skill: Dealing With Wanting Something I Can't Have

Often, young children are easily upset when their needs or wishes are not met immediately. Almost daily, children encounter many objects, toys, and activities that are attractive to them. Many times children do not know how to handle their frustration when told "no" or "later" by a caregiver. Also, there are times when young children do not understand that one child may or may not be allowed to do something because of their family's religious beliefs or cultural background. In order to have positive experiences at home, in school, and in the community, children need to learn skills to appropriately handle their feelings associated with wanting something that they cannot have. These skills will increase children's self-control and tolerance of others.

Teach children to use the following steps (see puppet activity below):

1. SAY, "I would like to (have) ____ but I can't right now."

2. THINK about your choices:

• Ask again later.
  
• Find something else to do.
  
• Ask to borrow it (if feasible).
  
• Ask to share it.
  
• Ask to do chores to earn money to buy one.
  
• Wait your turn.
  
• Accept that you are not allowed, and say "I would like it, but that's ok."
  

3. ACT out your best choice.

Puppet Role Playing Activity

This activity helps young children learn how to identify one thing that they want and cannot have. They will talk about the feelings associated with not being able to have something they want. And, the children will review the possible choices of how to deal with wanting something that is not theirs.

Materials needed: Paper, crayons or markers, puppets

Directions:

1. Have your child write or draw about a thing or activity he wishes he had or could do.

2. Have a conversation with your child about what she wishes or wants and why.

3. Tell your child about something you wish you could have or do, and why.

4. Use puppets to play different roles in the following pretend situations:

• Your friend has one of the new action figures (e.g., Pokeman, G.I. Joe) that you have been wishing to have for weeks.
  
• You want to play with your friend, but he has to go somewhere with his family all day.
  
• A girl in your class who uses a wheelchair has a computer with a game you love to play.
  
• Your brother just got a great bat and baseball for his birthday… just like the one you want.

Ideas for discussion during role playing: Use these questions to help your child think about appropriate choices and behaviors in the role plays above:

• How do you feel when you see that another child has what you would like to have?
  
• How would it feel if someone took one of your toys or things without your permission?
  
• What can we do when we want to have someone else's things? What are our choices?
  
• What can we do when someone else is getting to do something we want to do? What are our choices?
  

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