What Are the Consequences of Relational Aggression?

Relational aggression can be devastating. Loss of friendships and social standing are psychologically damaging; the isolation and harassment can be unbearable for the victim. Girls are particularly vulnerable because of the high value they typically place on friendships. Victims sometimes feel that they are in part to blame and therefore deserve to be isolated. The isolation makes them feel socially inept and unattractive, and thus more deserving of isolation.

When their teen daughters appear sullen, secretive and moody, many parents attribute these behaviors to normal hormonal changes and adolescent rebellion; however, these may well be symptoms that the girl is a victim of relational aggression. School absences, anxiety, depression, and long-term mental health concerns can all be consequences of relational aggression.

Victims of relational aggression often experience a range of difficulties in school, where much of the harassment takes place. Seemingly harmless school activities become painful experiences. Victims may struggle to find a seat in the lunchroom, participate in team projects, work with a partner in science, or join a team in gym class. These students feel vulnerable, and the problem is invisible to school faculty. Hallways, cafeterias, buses, and locker rooms all are places that may cause anxiety. Students may become so anxious that worries about being harassed or excluded replace concern for academic achievement. In fact, it has been reported that 160,000 students each year fail to attend school out of fear of relational aggression.

At its extreme, relational aggression has been linked to acts of school violence. Researchers have described how many school shooters, boys and girls, turn to violence when they are victims of isolation and poor treatment by peers. For example, a 14-year-old from Pennsylvania shot and killed one of her female classmates. In court, the defendant's lawyer reported that the youngster shot her classmate in order to free herself from repeated incidents of teasing and verbal abuse.

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