Is My Child Ready for Self-Care?

Research indicates that children younger than fourth grade are not ready for self-care and are at risk for negative effects of being left unsupervised. However, age is not the only factor to consider when deciding whether your child is ready for self-care. It is possible that a 13-year-old child is less ready for self-care than a 10-year-old child. In general, the following factors should be considered, in addition to your child's age.

Ability to self-regulate. Children in self-care must be able to regulate their behavior from one moment to the next without parental supervision or reminding.

•  Is your child able to consistently obey household rules without reminding?

•  Is your child able to complete multi-step tasks (the morning routine of getting dressed, collecting schoolwork, eating breakfast) without reminders or supervision from an adult?

•  Is your child able to resist peer pressure to engage in misbehavior, or is your child easily influenced by peers and tends to misbehave when he or she is around other misbehaving children?

•  Do you trust that your child understands and practices stranger safety, general home safety, and weather safety guidelines?

•  Does your child tend to think before he or she acts or does your child tend to act impulsively, without thinking of the consequences?

If you answered no to at least one of these questions, your child is probably not ready for self-care, particularly for periods of more than 15 or 20 minutes. Don't worry. With practice and maturity, your child's ability to self-regulate will improve.

Ability to regulate emotions. Children in self-care report a variety of negative emotions, including boredom, loneliness, and fear. They need to be able to cope with these negative emotions in a healthy and appropriate manner. What does your child do when he or she gets bored? Does your child become frustrated and upset and depend upon you to entertain, or is your child able to independently find something to do to overcome the boredom? Does your child routinely create his or her own recreation, or is your child dependent upon you to provide him or her with activities? The ability to create his or her own recreational activities may be sign that your child is ready for self-care, as this skill will help your child fight off boredom and loneliness.

Is your child fearful of being left home alone? Has your child expressed unhappiness or fear when you have left him or her for short periods? Does your child beg to come with you? If so, your child may not be ready for self-care. Even if your child has not expressed fear or unhappiness at being left home alone for brief periods, be sure to ask your child how he or she feels about being home alone for longer periods.

Ability to understand the reason for self-care . Some children interpret self-care as rejection by their parent(s). Be sure you communicate to your child the reason he or she is being left home alone and your confidence in your child's ability to cope. If your child seems unable to appreciate the reasons for your choice of self-care, but instead expresses sadness or confusion, then he or she may not be ready.

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