When Hassles Become True Stress

It is important to distinguish daily life "hassles" from significant stress. Parents and children experience such common hassles as waiting in line (at the bank, in the school lunch line), changes in daily routine, rescheduling appointments, conflicts with family members or friends, etc. Generally, children and adults both learn strategies to effectively cope with these small hassles. Significant stressors, such as a death, loss of income, or serious illness, are more likely to catch children or adults unprepared to cope. These events can have serious consequences for the individual's physical and emotional well-being. However, while life's little hassles seldom cause much distress in comparison to a death or disaster, an accumulation of many such stressors can ultimately produce the same consequences as any single traumatic event. The perception of stress is also related to an individual's own experience and development. What is stressful for one person may not even amount to a small hassle for another. The ability to evaluate stress level and to develop coping skills increases with age and cognitive development.

Our environment is stressful. But much of our stress results from the way in which we perceive and react to a given situation. Can you remember a time when something happened that nearly sent you "through the ceiling" in anger, even though on another day the same event might have bothered you very little? This is an example of how our thinking and our moods interact to increase or decrease the feeling of stress! Having to get something done for a sympathetic loved one is much less stressful than having to get the same task done for a boss, a teacher, or another individual whose expectations we feel we have to meet. Thus, it's not just the situation that causes all the stress. Our beliefs about the situation are a big piece of the puzzle.

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