Typical Development of Tantrum Behavior

At about age 18 months, some children will start throwing temper tantrums. These outbursts can last until approximately four years of age. Some call this stage the "terrible two's" and others call it "first adolescence," because the struggle for independence is reminiscent of adolescence. There is a normal developmental course for temper tantrums:

18 months through 2 years of age. Children during this stage will "test the limits." They want to see how far they can go before a parent or caretaker stops their behavior. At age 2, children are very egocentric; they cannot see another person's point of view. They want independence and self-control to explore their environment. When the child cannot reach a goal, he shows his frustration by crying, arguing, yelling, or hitting. When the child's need for independence collides with the adult's need for safety, conformity, or getting on with the task at hand, the conditions are perfect for a power struggle and a temper tantrum. The child's goal, of course, is to get the parent to give in or get out of the way. What is most upsetting to caregivers is that it is virtually impossible to reason with a child who is having a temper tantrum. Thus, arguing and cajoling in response to a temper tantrum only escalates the problem.

3- and 4-year-olds. By the time they reach age three to four, many children are less impulsive and they can use language to express their needs. Tantrums at this age are often less frequent and less severe. Nevertheless, some preschoolers have learned that a temper tantrum is a good way to get what they want.

4-year-olds. By age four, most children will have completed, and most caregivers will have survived, the tantrum phase. By this age, children have attained the necessary motor and physical skills to meet many of their own needs without relying so much on adults. Their growing language skills allow them to express their anger and to problem-solve and compromise. Despite these improved skills, kindergarten and primary school-age children can still have temper tantrums when faced with demanding academic tasks or new interpersonal situations in school or at home.

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