What Parents Can Do to Teach Tolerance

Parents play a significant role in the development of their children's values. Discussions and activities to promote tolerance should take into account the age of the child and his or her experiences with diversity. Younger children will need simple, concrete terms and familiar examples, while older children can consider more abstract ideas and less personalized examples.

Model tolerance and compassion. Children take their emotional cues from the significant adults in their lives. Avoid making negative statements about any racial, ethnic, or religious group. Reach out to your neighbors and colleagues who might feel at risk because of their ethnicity, religion or other traits. If possible, engage in some specific activity that will model the sort of behavior you would like to see in your child.

Avoid stereotyping people or countries. Children can easily generalize negative statements to students in their classes and community. Be clear about your statements and biases, and help children understand their own prejudices toward others who are "different."

Address the issue of blame factually. Explore who and what may be to blame for a specific event, such as an act of terrorism, school shooting, etc. Use non-speculative terms. Do not suggest any group is responsible. Do not repeat the speculations of others, including newscasters. Blaming is especially difficult in terrorist situations because, of course, someone is at fault. However, explain that the actions of a few individuals cannot be blamed on any racial or ethnic group. Help kids resist the tendency to want to "pin the blame" on someone close by.

Discuss how it would feel to be blamed unfairly by association. Ask children if they have ever gotten in trouble for something a sibling or friend did. How did they feel? Would they like it if their entire class were punished for the actions of one student. Do they think this would be fair? For example, older children might want to consider what would have happened if all white American males had been condemned for the Oklahoma City bombing.

Emphasize positive, familiar images of diverse groups. Identify people of diverse ethnicities, religions and/or lifestyles whom your children know and who have a positive place in their lives. These could be neighbors, friends, school personnel, health care professionals, members of their faith community, or local merchants. Discuss the many characteristics, values, and experiences the children have in common with these people.

Identify "heroes" of varying backgrounds involved in response to traumatic events. These include firefighters, police officers, rescue workers, military personnel, public officials, medical workers, construction crews, engineers, and regular citizens who are volunteering their time, perhaps even risking their lives, to help victims and their families and to help communities or schools return to "normal."

Undertake projects with people from diverse backgrounds to help those in need. Helping others is both part of the healing process and a good way to learn new lessons about individual differences. Working with classmates or members of the community who come from different backgrounds not only enables children to feel that they are making a positive contribution, it also reinforces their sense of commonality with diverse people.

Discuss historical instances of intolerance. Older children will benefit from discussions of such events as the internment of Japanese Americans after Pearl Harbor and the backlash against Arab Americans during the Gulf War. While our schools can provide such lessons in class, parents can also discuss the consequences of these events and encourage their children to suggest better choices that Americans can make now and in the future.

Learn about the diverse communities and faiths represented in your area. Knowledge debunks myths about other people and can humanize other cultures. Start by helping your children learn about their own family or cultural customs and sharing this information with their friends and classmates. Take your children to your public library to find out more about the different groups that make up your community, and attend age-appropriate cultural events in your area to reinforce the notion that all people have special beliefs and rituals.

Read books with your children that address prejudice, tolerance, and hate. There are many, many stories appropriate for varying age groups that can help children think about and define their feelings regarding these issues. The school or local librarian can make recommendations.

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